i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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