I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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