i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
