Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize