apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
