How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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