you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
