my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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