so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
