I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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