you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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