dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize