Where is the hickey?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
