i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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