if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
