i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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