If that was your dad, he is hot
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
