Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Someone shattered a urinal.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
