then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
