The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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