dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
