I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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