Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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