Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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