you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
