i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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