Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
