Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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