You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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