Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
