12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We need a shit load of segways right now
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
