But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
