she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
