i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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