I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
