Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
