I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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