the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
