did you get engaged???
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
