u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
