On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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