Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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