Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
