Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
