She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
