Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
