Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
