How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
