4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Randomize
