Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sponge bath it is.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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