There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
