He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
