8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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