Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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