So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
His nipple licking is glorious
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