anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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