I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
two words: eviction party
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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