Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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