I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
