I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
