he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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