The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
