Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize