Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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