i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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