Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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