apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
