I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
