he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she smelled like a LAN party
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
