This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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