where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just google imaged poop.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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