So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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